Finally an MD. Now What???

I finally reached my dream of becoming a licensed physician, as someone who already has the license to heal, or so they say. A week ago, we had our Oath-Taking Ceremony held in the Philippine International Convention Center. It was a momentous event for each newly licensed doctor and their families. We were welcomed to the other world of medicine and I realized just how much a mere license ID card would mean to a person who really worked hard to get it. 

I posted this blog because I want to share some of the realizations I had since that momentous event of passing the September 2019 Physician Licensure Examination. It was a roller coaster. In just a few weeks in between the release of results and the oath-taking ceremony, a lot of things in me has changed. A lot of things I newly discovered I had in me which in turn affected my decisions for my future. Moreso, I realized that it wasn't just me. Almost all of my friends and classmates underwent and still undergoing the confusing moment of "Now that I'm Doctor, then what? What awaits me now? What field of residency program should I take? Should I really take one, is that really necessary? If not, what will I do now instead? Where will I go?". These are just some of the few mind-boggling questions I had. So why not write and share about the struggle I went through which might help future doctors as well.

It would seem that I really do not know what I really got into when I entered the field of medicine. In a whole lot of way, yes I didn't. I guess it's because I'm the first Doctor in the family, and I have no one to personally guide me. I thought it was as simple as having the utmost desire to heal people in their suffering from physical ailments and nothing more. Don't get me wrong, that desire was the most important thing that fueled me all throughout my journey in achieving my dream. But, in medicine, there's more to it than meets the eye.

While waiting for the oath-taking ceremony, I went home to celebrate with the whole family our brother's wedding. At that time, my older sister asked me to search for photos that I can print to put on a frame to be hung on our family wall. I realized that I've been missing a lot of my family's get together every time my siblings and their family went home to the Philippines for the Fiesta celebration. And our family photo taken at home, hours prior to my brother's wedding was the only photo in the last five years where I was able to join my family. I realized my nephews grew a lot, I didn't even notice. In my mind, they're still a baby or a toddler because that was the last memory I have spent with them. I realized that my parents and my siblings are getting older. Years passed by, I didn't take every opportunity I should've had to spend with them whenever they come home to the Philippines. Life is very short. It will pass you by quickly. A simple realization but it hit me really hard to my core. I value my dream a lot but I don't want to reach all of them at the expense of my family when they are one of the most important reasons why I studied really hard to graduate and pass the board exam on time. By on time, I meant base on my goal timeline.

And so, as I ponder upon the thought of what to do next, if should I continue to study and specialize in another field like how I originally planned it or if I should take some time off, go into moonlighting jobs first to save some money and so I can be with my family whenever possible since I am just working, shall we say,  as a freelance doctor. In that critical time of confusion, I don't want to simply rely on my own understanding because I know, highly likely I'll make a wrong decision. I simply put my mind to rest, I prayed day in and day out asking for God's guidance and for enlightenment amidst my confusion. Slowly, I was able to get a clear answer. I realized, we know what we really want in life, oftentimes they're just clouded by the noise and desires of other people for our lives or maybe we just don't have the courage to pursue what we want because we might disappoint some people along the way, that's why in turn, we tend to forget it as if they are just an afterthought. And I want to pursue a field of specialty in congruence with the reason why I enter medical school and at the same time, I can still spend some quality time with my family and friends. You know what they say about "always go back to your why"? Yes, it's true. It will keep you grounded and align with your vision and dreams. That is to specialize in a field where I'll be able to help people from all walks of life.

Thankfully, whatever my decision may be, my family always has my back. They even suggested me to take a vacation I deserve in Canada with my sister. I was actually on it, I renewed my passport and was ready to apply for a visa while continuously praying for guidance. God never fails. He enlightened me as to what to do next. God lead me to seek family and community medicine. That's when my journey in family and community medicine begins. Fortunately, God gave me a wonderful opportunity to be part of this wonderful institution where I believe I'll learn best to become a family physician. This I believe deserves a separate blog post :)

What I want my future readers to take home from this blog post of mine is that, pursue your dreams and your passion but not at the expense of something or someone as equally important to you as your dreams. Some time in our life, we'll be put to test, we'll be confused. It's alright, take some time off, take that time to rest and ponder upon life. Don't make a rash decision. Pray and pray a lot. Ask God specifically for what His plans for your life and pray that whatever they may be, that may you be able to submit to Him. God listens and He hears our prayer. Clarity comes with wisdom which God blesses us with when we pray. Congratulations to us all who work really hard to become the best version of ourselves and who work tirelessly to reach our dreams.